Jose Cuervo Especial Gold Tequila

I knew we would end up here eventually. It's certainly not my first sip of Cuervo Gold, but I never thought I'd see the day when I attempted to take it seriously and give it an objective review. Cuervo Gold is one of very few spirits that I not only refuse to drink any more, but proudly so, and unabashedly think less of people who don't respect themselves enough to branch out to literally anything else. Even I was unaware of what a tequila mixto was until about half a decade ago, but after learning about it and discussing it with others, I was truly left speechless with the amount of people who have no idea what it means, and how many people are tricked into hating tequila for the rest of their lives with the famous "ugh, I can't drink tequila, it gives me hangovers and makes me puke lol" line, totally unaware that what they've been surrounded by this whole time was reposado-flavored sugar... but, I digress. It's truly the tequila of the ignorant, but alas, I'm cursed to have to rate what I know is basically the Keystone Light of agave spirits. The color isn't hateful if you're trying to trick yourself into thinking this actually spent any respectable amount of time in a barrel, presenting somewhere between pale straw and pale gold. The nose has a surprisingly strong ethanol burn, with classic and expected herbal notes from the agave, including black peppercorns and green bell peppers. There's no real development past this point, though, and the pepper notes instead start digging into the nostrils to burn it further, taking away the appeal. Repeated nosing does give a faint caramel sugar cookie sweetness, but not nearly enough to counter the former notes. The body is very light, watery, and almost refreshing (but not in a good way), as if an ice cube were added and left to melt. The flavor starts with a bit of the spicy pepper note from the nose, but after some time I realize the spice is really just the burn from neutral ethanol, like vodka. The finish feels like the black pepper is back, and makes you long for more vegetal agave notes, but none seem to answer the call. It's very strange how this spirit manages to simultaneously be as watery as an NA spirit, but also spiced through the roof. It's hard to tell what an 80 proof version of a tequila High Noon (arguably the best "tequila" seltzers) would taste like, especially since they only come flavored and can't really be compared here, but I still imagine that this is exactly the base for that, minus the sparkling water and artificial flavoring. In the end, is it worth it in any capacity? No, not at all, but not because it's all that hateful. Rather, it is super cheap, but then again, most low-end 100% agave tequilas are cheap, and as someone who collects predominantly American whiskeys, I find it very hard to break the bank with even top shelf and very fine tequilas. Still though, if you're looking for a cheap mixer, just go for 100% agave, and it really doesn't even matter which one you choose at that point. By not drinking what is essentially several hard seltzers each time you down a few ounces of this, you'll thank yourself as you avoid the headache and major dehydration, and you won't be missing any of the flavors here no matter where you choose to advance to.

This isn't as bad as everyone says. It is quite sweet and has a lot of flavors, reminding me a bit of T1 reposado. There is a big hit of confectioner's sugar mixed with some citrus and vegetal notes on the front. The flavor is rich and has some amount of depth, but is not terribly interesting. Spice and herbs are present, but the flavors meld poorly. Mint and sage are present but not overwhelming. I would take T1 reposado over this, due to T1's cleaner and more varied taste, but Cuervo Gold is honestly not that bad. It's not as bad as people say. There is this icing sugar presence. There's some mint and tomato flavors mixed with toasted pineapple and some mild white pepper. It's borderline sippable despite not being a great example of tequila. It's on the sweet side for sure. A lot on the sweet side. This tastes so much better than 1800. God help anyone who has to drink 1800. There's some interesting funk and vegetal flavor here in with the sweetness. It's a bit rough around the edges, but does remind me of rhum agricole in a way that is not wholly displeasing. My suspicion is that many people have had bad experiences with a bit too much Cuervo at parties because it isn't as bad as I'd heard, but that could just come down to a difference in tastes.

Wow is this stuff absolutely disgusting or what? You're greeted by aromas of corroded agave, ethanol, chemical swill. You have to look hard to smell a bit of leather. The fumes just don't smell like something drinkable. It only gets *worse* when you put it in your mouth. It straight up tastes like a bunch of chemicals and refuse materials swirling in your tongue with only the faintest hint of agave. I literally gagged and recoiled upon trying it and on subsequent tastes came to dread putting it in my mouth. The finish is somewhat better. They clearly put artificial caramel flavoring in there and it does wonders to help you get through the insanely bitter finish. There's also a surprising note of white pepper that helps distract you from the wicked burn this thing leaves you with. I got a migraine after finishing my glass. Stay far, far away from this. It's actually undrinkable and tastes like poison.

I've learned these past six months drinking whisky that the cheap stuff is worth what you pay for it - not much. But at work we're having a sale on the 100ml bottles, two for $4, so I got one each of the silver and the Gold, just to get some sort of idea of what tequila might be like. Without any tequila experience it's hard to say, but I'd judge this stuff to be about on the same level in tequila that Jim Beam is in bourbon. The nose is jalapeño peppers - there's nothing else. The taste begins with a very light honey note, moves to a sharp alcohol bite, and then settles into some sort of candy. The finish is on the short side of medium, and gives notes of honey, candy, and lingering faint oak. This isn't something I'll care to keep on hand, but it does let me know that tequila is worth exploring.

An aging handle ended up on my doorstep from my parents' bar. Likely 10 years in a cabinet, about 80% full. Wow, this is not good. I guess maybe the "wow" indicates that I was a bit surprised. Not really. I knew what this was when I tasted it neat from a dirty shot glass I retrieved from the sink. It lives up to its reputation. I'll be soaking some fresh pineapples in what's left of this. Maybe it will be better in a pineapple pina colada? Anything to cover the flavor is a step in the right direction. Cheap ethanol, a bit of sweet, something like a vegetal note. This isn't something I'd recommend drinking neat. It's really just a "tequila-flavored cheap vodka".

Pepper, Vanilla, Ethanol, actually practically no agave note at least to my palette. Imo additives and other non agave flavors are cloying on the palette. Clearly added sugar somewhere between taste and that even drinking this in moderation I get hangovers and even sometimes in the moment feel ill drinking this. It's not the worst thing I've ever had but it's not good tequila, and for less than $5 more you can get stuff like Lunazul, El Jimador, Camarena, or even Jose Cuervo's own Tradicional line, which aren't amazing tequila either but are leagues above this. I genuinely think this specific tequila is responsible for a lot of people thinking they don't like tequila.